Pseudo Celeb - John Boehner

"People Start Pollution. People can stop it."

Last week I saw a guy in Subway who looked so much like John Boehner that I did a double-take. He wasn't orange-tanned or crying, though. He was texting.

He was sitting at his table with a sammich in one hand and his phone in the other. His texting thumb was a blur. Bites occasionally disappeared from his sammich, but his eyes never left that phone.

As I walked by I paused. He didn't notice. I waved. Nothing. I kicked his chair and yelled "BOO!". His focus never wavered.

I pulled his tie loose and emptied a ketchup packet in his shirt pocket, but he didn't so much as blink. His texting thumb never slowed down, either.

I can't look away

What could be so important and engrossing that he didn't notice what was going on around him? I figured he was either watching his stock portfolio explode or re-runs of Wipeout on Hulu. I leaned in close to take a look.

He was sending and receiving Nancy Pelosi jokes.

Naturally.