Cheap Date

My wife and I went out to dinner with our pal Scruffy. We had a gift card for the restaurant, so when the ticket came I insisted on picking it up.

"It's my turn to buy for you two," Scruffy claimed.

"Don't worry about it," I said. "With this gift card, you're a real cheap date."

Scruffy's eyes crossed briefly and he shuddered. "What did you say?"

"You're a cheap date!", I happily exclaimed.

My wife started to blush and shrink down into her seat.

Scruffy shook his head sadly and laughed. "I don't think I'm comfortable with this."

"I could say it louder if you think that would help," I volunteered.

"I'll pass."

My wife was glancing around wild-eyed at the other patrons. "I'm not with them," she mouthed to some nearby gawkers.

I'm such an embarrassment.