Stories From My Past: The Subtle Groomsman

These things don't vandalize themselves!

This happened back in college... I was the Best Man for a friend's wedding. Generally, events happened about as you'd expect them to. A group us were sitting at a table during the reception when a problem presented itself: No one had decorated the getaway car.

Several of the guys had brought along supplies for just such a need, but how could we get out to the parking lot without drawing attention to ourselves? Then, a glorious idea was born. We decided not to hide.

There were 6-8 of us at the table, including my old buddy Midnight Brewer. We all stood up at the same time and then marched single-file out of the reception hall. I could hear laughter behind us as we left.

We drew on the windows and attached streamers and all that good stuff. When we came back into the reception hall, we walked single-file back to our chairs and all sat down at the same time.

I proclaim innocence

Midnight Brewer went above and beyond, attaching a streamer of toilet paper to the heel of his shoe. Nobody will suspect what we've been up to. It was a nice touch.

The Groom came over to our table on our return. He leaned over Midnight Brewer and asked, "What are you guys up to?"

"Us? Nothing."

"I see that TP there on your shoe." Midnight Brewer didn't even look down. "We all went to the bathroom together. Perfectly normal."

Groom wasn't buying it. "You all went to the bathroom together, just like a crowd of women?" "Yes." "But you're not all women." "Thanks for noticing."

Despite heavy interrogation, we never admitted to our obvious crimes.