Chippy

Nope, not yet

As is often the case, P-Ziddy and V were discussing my pending untimely demise. They figure it's only a matter of time. Every day I live, I have exceeded their expectations.

It started with P-Ziddy mentioning a nail gun. I said, "Oh, I want a nail gun."

P-Ziddy tried to talk me out of it. "No, no you don't."

"Oh, I think I do!"

Seriously, these things are awesome

Granted, I'd probably only use it once and then it would go in my garage until the end of time. It would sit alongside my belt sander, dremel, and rivet gun.

P-Ziddy expressed skepticism that I'd ever used any such tools. But the fact is, I used the belt sander when I added some shelves to my wife's computer desk, the dremel to shave off some nail points from the neighbor's side of our fence, and the rivet gun once when I couldn't find a hammer.

P-Ziddy chuckled. "Sounds like the lead-in to a joke: Jeff walked out of the house with a ladder, a nail gun and a broom and climbed up onto the roof..."

I concluded the story for him. "Eventually, they found his left boot in a field 4 miles away."

Have you seen my salt shaker?

Inspiration struck V. She said, "I plan on starting the Jeff McClung memorial fund and embezzling enough to live on a small island in the Caribbean."

I thought this might leave a stain on my legacy, but she assured me, "I'll name a tropical drink in your memory."

P-Ziddy suggested a couple of names for the tropical drink. "'Death by Razorblades'? 'Screaming Agony'?"

[insert drum roll here]

V had another name in mind. "I was thinking 'Caffeinated Wood-chipper'."

One more Red Bull and I'm good to go

Wow.

"Caffeinated Wood-chipper". That's the sort of phrase that wins conversations. I honestly think we've finally found a name that's too magnificent for a rock band.

"Caffeinated Wood-chipper". It's perfect. It completely captures the essence of *me*.

I love it.