Peanut Butter And Never Mind

We were at a restaurant, just relaxing. I couldn't help but overhear the waiter as he served food to a nearby table.

"Here's your [whatever], and here's your [whatever], and here's your Peanut Butter and Jelly minus the jelly."

It was so unexpected, and it hit my funny bone just right. I laughed so hard I snorked.

"It's not a 'P.B. and J.'," I cackled. "It's just a P.B.!"

My wife rolled her eyes.

Meanwhile, the kid who got the semi-truncated sammich was glaring at me. I struggled to get my laughter under control.

[Poink!]

I looked up. Offended Kiddo was slingin' ice cubes at me. While I watched, she made the two-fingered "I'm watching you" gesture. Then she spit on another ice cube and flung it at me.

"Honey," her mom said. "What are you doing?"

"Mommy, that's the bad man who laughed at me."

Her mommy glared at me and patted the side of her purse meaningfully. Then she handed Offended Kiddo another ice cube.

I looked at my wife. "We should probably go before this turns violent."

A waiter leaned in and whispered to me, "Just so you know, I've been offered a sizable tip if I spill a tray of drinks on you."

I slipped him a twenty. "Check please."

You can't take me anywhere.