Lost Dog

I was driving home the other day and saw a guy in an old truck cruising my neighborhood. He was driving slowly down the middle of the road, blocking everything and handing out fliers to people as he passed.

Have you seen me?

"I've lost my dog," he kept saying. "Have you seen him?"

The interesting part was the reactions he'd get. People looked at him like he was crazy. "No... I *still* haven't seen your dog... maybe you should try another street?"

During the 45 minutes it took to drive half a block down to my house, I gathered that this was at least his third trip through the neighborhood. He was doing an exhaustive single-street search for his departed canine.

When he got to my house, he parked in the road and blocked my driveway. My wife walked out and pointed, trying to get him to leave. He gave her a flier instead. "Have you seen my dog?"

My wife told him to search other streets, but he just handed her more fliers. She yelled at him that he was blocking my way into the driveway, but he just nodded and handed her yet another flier.

She started throwing fliers back through his window. He patiently handed them back to her.

Love me!

I plucked a flier out of the air (they were floating around like leaves in fall). Then, I backed up and left the neighborhood.

I drove to a local animal shelter and picked out a dog that looked similar to the one on the bozo's flier. I went back home to find him still blocking my driveway. Our yard was paved with fliers.

"Hey!" I shouted. "Is this your dog?"

The guy looked back and his eyes widened in unimaginable joy. His nightmare had been averted! Saint Jeff the Wise had found his poor lost dog! "Yes!" he yelped, tears in his eyes. "That's my dog! You found him! Thank you!"

Sorry, but I'm allergic to crazy people

I let the dog loose. The terrified pup took off, running as far and as fast from my house as he could.

"Go get him," I said to the bozo. His tires squealed as he took up the pursuit. My driveway was cleared.

Problem solved.