Free Headphones

I've seen the spam email that says, "Cheap software! 90% off!" I've seen the junk mail that says, "Special Limited Time Offer!" I've even seen spam email that says, "About that five dollars I owe you..." (no, I'm not making that one up). But this is a new one.

Answer 5 questions, and we'll give you noise-cancelling headphones. See inside.

Let's see... at work I sit near a freight elevator, two conversation magnets and a guy who's earbuds bleed the Evanescence song "Bring Me To Life" daily (again, not making that up). And Verisign is offering me free noise-cancelling headphones? Yes please.

All I have to do is answer 5 questions. How hard can it be? I opened up the envelope.

Q1: What is your social security number?
Hm. No red flags so far.

Q2: Are you willing to submit to mandatory non-FDA approved DNA splice experimentation?
Hm. DNA = "Domain Nugget Absolutely", right? Yeah, why not?

Q3: Solve for "x"

Clearly, "x" = the Spanish word for "gravy". Duh.

Q4: What is your underwear size, and favorite underwear color?
For ego purposes, I buy briefs with a 48-inch waistline. For practical reasons, I also buy a lot of clothespins. Oh, and hot pink is definitely my color.

Q5: Please sign up for our "Special Offers" newsletter, delivered once every 6 and a half years. Invalid / Fraudulent email addresses welcome.
What?!? Not a chance! No way will I trust Verisign with my email address!

So much for the headphones. *sigh*