Caffeine Emergency

You might remember, one of my Christmas presents this year was a big honkin' pile of holiday-themed coffee. My prediction at the time was that I'd be drinking holiday-themed coffee well into April. It was nearly true.

A couple of nights ago my wife offered to set up my coffee for me. She opened up one of the remaining packages and set everything up, including the timer on the coffee maker. She doesn't like coffee, but she does like the smell... especially from the holiday flavors.

"Oh, that smells good!," she said. "What flavor is this one?..." There was a pause, followed by a scream.

I was in the living room, so I shouted "What? What's going on?" The answer chilled me to my bones.

"THIS THING IS DECAF!!!"

At this point I was more than a little afraid to go into the kitchen, so I didn't. There was a crashing noise. "Uh..." I ventured. "So your parents gave me a decaf coffee flavor?"

"Two of them!," she shrieked. "The next one I grabbed was decaf too!"

There were more crashing noises, and a tearing sound. Then everything went quiet. My wife walked out of the kitchen, smiling.

"I threw away the decaf," she said happily. "I found one that was normal and used it to fix your coffee." "What did you do with the decaf?," I asked. I was a little afraid of the answer, but my wife just grinned and said "I threw it away."

I went into the kitchen. The coffee maker was all set up like normal. A pair of scissors was in the sink, covered in black specks. I looked in the trash, and saw the two little bags of decaf. They had been violently defaced.

My wife grinned sweetly. "I know you don't like decaf," she said.

God, I love that woman!