Wednesday, 30 March 2011
Monday, 28 March 2011
It was kind of a long week last week, so I don't have much for you. Here's a couple of short stories... I couldn't quite make a full post out of either of them. :)
Injury Count
I learned that I don't have to have actual coffee to wake up in the morning. Burning my hand on the coffee pot works just as well. *That* was a fun morning.
Later that day I was talking to Scruffy about all my recent ailments. Scruffy thought about it for a while and then said, "You know, ... I don't remember the last time I hurt myself badly."
I laughed. "You don't remember the last time you had a major injury, and I don't remember how many I've had this week."
Can You Help Me With... Never Mind
OoRah came over to my desk. "I need your help with something," he said.
OoRah didn't get very far into his problem description when inspiration hit him. "...and I can't do *that* because... or maybe... actually, I *could* do this instead..."
I didn't have to say a word, and the problem was fixed. "Never mind!", he said. "Thanks!"
A few minutes later, I hit a problem that I needed help with. I wandered over to Big Dawg's desk. I didn't get very far in my problem description before inspiration struck. "...see, I can't do *that* because... or maybe... actually, I *could* do this instead..."
Big Dawg didn't say a word, and the problem was fixed. "Never mind!", I said. "Thanks!"
I worked for another 15 minutes before I realized what had happened. I went over to OoRah's desk and told him about my conversation with Big Dawg. "I was just on both sides of the same conversation in a 5 minute span!"
What can I say? It was hilarious at the time. :)
OW! Why does it do the burning?!?
I learned that I don't have to have actual coffee to wake up in the morning. Burning my hand on the coffee pot works just as well. *That* was a fun morning.
Later that day I was talking to Scruffy about all my recent ailments. Scruffy thought about it for a while and then said, "You know, ... I don't remember the last time I hurt myself badly."
I laughed. "You don't remember the last time you had a major injury, and I don't remember how many I've had this week."
Can You Help Me With... Never Mind
OoRah came over to my desk. "I need your help with something," he said.
OoRah didn't get very far into his problem description when inspiration hit him. "...and I can't do *that* because... or maybe... actually, I *could* do this instead..."
Life was simpler when everybody used stone tablets
A few minutes later, I hit a problem that I needed help with. I wandered over to Big Dawg's desk. I didn't get very far in my problem description before inspiration struck. "...see, I can't do *that* because... or maybe... actually, I *could* do this instead..."
Big Dawg didn't say a word, and the problem was fixed. "Never mind!", I said. "Thanks!"
I worked for another 15 minutes before I realized what had happened. I went over to OoRah's desk and told him about my conversation with Big Dawg. "I was just on both sides of the same conversation in a 5 minute span!"
What can I say? It was hilarious at the time. :)
Friday, 25 March 2011
Funkmaster gives you wiiiiiiiings....
They were car shopping and came across a used "Funkmaster Flex" Ford Expedition. I was instantly hooked. "Funkmaster"? Could it get any better than driving car named "Funkmaster"?
LadyPatsFan's description of the car was hilarious, but I completely lost it on her description of the car's logo. "F M F, with the first F backwards so it looks like wings..."
I wiped tears away and said, "I was beginning to think there was no more beauty in this messed-up world of ours."
Maarek pondered, "I wonder if any other washed-up old-school rappers have limited edition car models out there."
P-Ziddy's suggestion: The Vanilla Ice Exclusive Gremlin
Maarek also suggested that I get a picture of me standing in front of a Funkmaster so that people could Photoshop it. OoRah replied, "Why would you even *need* to Photoshop it?"
By the end of the conversation everybody seemed pretty shocked that I wasn't running out to get one. Granted it would be hilarious, but I usually prefer a (much) less expensive punchline. :)
Wednesday, 23 March 2011
Web Ninja and Maarek were attempting to have an office discussion. They reached a point of misunderstanding at the phrase, "in the line of fire."
Web Ninja would say, "I can't get out of the line of fire," which (to him) meant that he was going to be responsible for the task that needed to be done no matter his excuse. Maarek would say, "You need to get out of the line of fire," which (to him) was a joking implication that literal weapon fire would be coming.
The conversation kept getting louder as each of them wondered what was causing the confusion. "You can get out of the line of fire!" "I can't... no matter where I go, I'm in the line of fire!"
While they bickered, I stepped over near OoRah. "They are using the same words but meaning completely different things. Who do you think is going to snap first?"
OoRah pondered this for a very brief moment. "I don't know. Maarek has all the facts but Web Ninja's got a beard."
"Too close to call, then?" "Yeah."
I know rock / paper / scissors, but I don't know who wins this one.
Web Ninja would say, "I can't get out of the line of fire," which (to him) meant that he was going to be responsible for the task that needed to be done no matter his excuse. Maarek would say, "You need to get out of the line of fire," which (to him) was a joking implication that literal weapon fire would be coming.
Either way, I think you're safe
While they bickered, I stepped over near OoRah. "They are using the same words but meaning completely different things. Who do you think is going to snap first?"
OoRah pondered this for a very brief moment. "I don't know. Maarek has all the facts but Web Ninja's got a beard."
"Too close to call, then?" "Yeah."
I know rock / paper / scissors, but I don't know who wins this one.
Monday, 21 March 2011
I walked over to OoRah's desk last week to ask him something, but he wasn't there.
To the rest of the office, I gestured at OoRah's chair and said, "Has anybody seen Lumpy?"
I honestly don't know where that name came from. It seemed to be a winner, though... M16 nearly fell out of his chair laughing. Everybody giggled uncontrollably for minutes. When OoRah came back to his desk, Maarek casually said, "Hi Lumpy." OoRah didn't *quite* hear him... you could see the "Naw, I must have just misheard" look cross his face. It was most excellent.
A full day later OoRah appeared at my desk. "Lumpy?", he asked.
I grinned. "Hey, that was the best joke I've had in three days. I'm gonna run with it a while."
I am constantly amazed that he lets me live.
To the rest of the office, I gestured at OoRah's chair and said, "Has anybody seen Lumpy?"
I honestly don't know where that name came from. It seemed to be a winner, though... M16 nearly fell out of his chair laughing. Everybody giggled uncontrollably for minutes. When OoRah came back to his desk, Maarek casually said, "Hi Lumpy." OoRah didn't *quite* hear him... you could see the "Naw, I must have just misheard" look cross his face. It was most excellent.
A full day later OoRah appeared at my desk. "Lumpy?", he asked.I grinned. "Hey, that was the best joke I've had in three days. I'm gonna run with it a while."
I am constantly amazed that he lets me live.
Friday, 18 March 2011
We saw "Dinner for Schmucks". Oh my. Full disclosure... it's crude in places, but hilarious.I was in love from the beginning. A guy is invited to a special dinner with the executives at his office. He is instructed to bring along an "extraordinary" guest. During dinner, the boss will decide whose guest is the best.
"You mean," this character summarizes, "... that we invite a bunch of idiots to dinner and make fun of them?"
My mind nearly exploded with possibilities. I looked over at my wife, eyes wide, clapping my hands, squealing with glee. "We should totally do that!", I gasped.
My wife was skeptical. "I don't think anyone would invite you," she said.
Ouch.
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
Three's Company!
As I walked by their discussion I saw M16 pointing at something on the screen. "This has got to go," he was saying.
Clearly, they were talking about changes to our project. Most likely something minor, like changing the way that particular web page looks.
Even though I could easily tell what they were talking about, I decided to pretend otherwise. I walked past the group and said, "All I heard you guys say was, 'this has got to go.'" I pointed at Web Ninja. "I agree."
My vengeance will be prolonged, foul bringer of misery...
Web Ninja usually has no problem coming up with snarky replies to my snarky nonsense. Either he was having a *really* bad day, or he just simply doesn't want to play anymore.
Ha! As if that will save him. :)
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