Yeah, I'm taking the easy way out today.
See ya next year!
See ya next year!
Friday, 31 December 2010
Wednesday, 29 December 2010
Teddy
P-Ziddy made it to the top of my "nice" list this year with an unexpected gift. I call him "Theodor" (Teddy).
I offered to pay him back by being his humble man-servant for a day, but P-Ziddy wisely refused. I figure I would either fail magnificently and cause injury, or I'd be embarrassingly good at it. Either way, it was safer that I stay home and swoon with Teddy.
P-Ziddy only asked one question about the big moment... "Was LadyPatsFan there when you opened the present?"
"Of course not," I replied.
"Excellent."
Angry Monkey
Web Ninja drew a most excellent "Angry Monkey" picture. He snuck into my office and tacked it up in my cubical. (click into it for more detail, if you like)
He's holding a "Pessimists' Mug". Excellent.
The next day was even more excellent, though. He started calling people in my office, asking "Has Jeff seen his picture yet? Has he? HAS HE?"
The suspense was apparently getting to him.
I decided that if he broke down and called me, I was going to pretend I hadn't seen the picture yet. I even considered the idea of pretending I didn't know him.
"Have we met?"
"You're that horrible guy who dated my sister, aren't you?"
"I'm sure I'd remember somebody as wacked-out as you."
"You obviously don't know me... I don't even *like* monkeys."
Sadly, he never called me to ask.
P-Ziddy made it to the top of my "nice" list this year with an unexpected gift. I call him "Theodor" (Teddy).I offered to pay him back by being his humble man-servant for a day, but P-Ziddy wisely refused. I figure I would either fail magnificently and cause injury, or I'd be embarrassingly good at it. Either way, it was safer that I stay home and swoon with Teddy.
P-Ziddy only asked one question about the big moment... "Was LadyPatsFan there when you opened the present?"
"Of course not," I replied.
"Excellent."
Angry Monkey
Web Ninja drew a most excellent "Angry Monkey" picture. He snuck into my office and tacked it up in my cubical. (click into it for more detail, if you like)
He's holding a "Pessimists' Mug". Excellent.
The next day was even more excellent, though. He started calling people in my office, asking "Has Jeff seen his picture yet? Has he? HAS HE?"
The suspense was apparently getting to him.
I decided that if he broke down and called me, I was going to pretend I hadn't seen the picture yet. I even considered the idea of pretending I didn't know him.
"Have we met?"
"You're that horrible guy who dated my sister, aren't you?"
"I'm sure I'd remember somebody as wacked-out as you."
"You obviously don't know me... I don't even *like* monkeys."
Sadly, he never called me to ask.
Monday, 27 December 2010
And I can prove it.
I bet *you* didn't get a huge coffee mug shaped like a toilet. Admit it. You're jealous. And it gets EVEN BETTER.
I also got a "regular" over-sized coffee mug.
That sucker holds 4 cups of coffee. It's as heavy as I am. *AW YEAH*
I also got a good story. During Christmas lunch my niece (8 years old) said, "Uncle Jeff will you sit by me?" As I sat down she pointed at the seats on her other side. "Mom will sit here and Dad will sit next to her."
My grandmother wandered over and sat in the "Dad" spot. Niece wrinkled her nose a bit and then grinned. "Mom will sit here and Dad will sit next to you," she improvised.
My grandfather wandered over and looked at the "Mom" spot. "Can I sit here?" he said. My niece shook her head side to side. Grandpa laughed and sat down anyway. "Don't worry," he said, "I don't bite."
"Don't worry," I added. "If he does bite, I'll protect you. Actually, no I won't." Niece looked at me like I was crazy (I get that a lot). She was clearly annoyed.
Her mom / My sister sat down next to me. Niece leaned across me to taddle. "Mom, Great-Grampa said that he might bite and Uncle Jeff said he wouldn't protect me."
I grinned and spoke to her. "It's OK, this is just how civilized people behave."
I got a "Eat Poopie And Die" glare. "You're not related to me."
'Tis the season to be kicked out of the family!
I bet *you* didn't get a huge coffee mug shaped like a toilet. Admit it. You're jealous. And it gets EVEN BETTER.
I also got a "regular" over-sized coffee mug.
That sucker holds 4 cups of coffee. It's as heavy as I am. *AW YEAH*
I also got a good story. During Christmas lunch my niece (8 years old) said, "Uncle Jeff will you sit by me?" As I sat down she pointed at the seats on her other side. "Mom will sit here and Dad will sit next to her."
My grandmother wandered over and sat in the "Dad" spot. Niece wrinkled her nose a bit and then grinned. "Mom will sit here and Dad will sit next to you," she improvised.
My grandfather wandered over and looked at the "Mom" spot. "Can I sit here?" he said. My niece shook her head side to side. Grandpa laughed and sat down anyway. "Don't worry," he said, "I don't bite."
"Don't worry," I added. "If he does bite, I'll protect you. Actually, no I won't." Niece looked at me like I was crazy (I get that a lot). She was clearly annoyed.
Her mom / My sister sat down next to me. Niece leaned across me to taddle. "Mom, Great-Grampa said that he might bite and Uncle Jeff said he wouldn't protect me."
I grinned and spoke to her. "It's OK, this is just how civilized people behave."
I got a "Eat Poopie And Die" glare. "You're not related to me."
'Tis the season to be kicked out of the family!
Friday, 24 December 2010
So, I first saw this picture without any context... (click for full-size)
Eventually I saw the comments from my "Dawn Treadin'" blog post. Hurtful!
Even so, I can't complain. I'm a Captain! It's all good.
I hope you're not reading this on the day it was published, by the way. :)
Merry Christmas, all!
Eventually I saw the comments from my "Dawn Treadin'" blog post. Hurtful!
Even so, I can't complain. I'm a Captain! It's all good.
I hope you're not reading this on the day it was published, by the way. :)
Merry Christmas, all!
Wednesday, 22 December 2010
The "Office Christmas Party" is always good for a laugh. We had our annual Dirty Santa gift exchange, which was dominated by tools this year.
Seriously, there were at least 4 different tool sets being passed around. There was also a tool tote/storage bag that a couple of guys wrestled over. I guess it's not a real man's tool bag unless it's got blood on it.
Somebody commented that the little numbered slips we drew looked like fortune cookie innards. It reminded me of an old story... Once at a Chinese place with a group of co-workers from the Bad Place, I was called upon to read my fortune cookie to the whole table.
I looked at my slip and said, "You will die alone and afraid, secure in the knowledge that no one ever loved you... aw, I *always* get that one."
There were a couple of obvious DVD movies among the Dirty Santa presents. While one was being opened I pretended I could already see the title. "Oh!... Eat, Pray, Love!" The guy opening it brightened up quite a bit when he saw that it was actually Iron Man 2.
The funniest gift by far was the Bacon Gift Sack. The guy pulled out a little card that read, "There are 5 bacon-related items in this sack!" He pulled out bacon-ranch dressing, bacon lip balm, and bacon soda. I don't remember all the bacon-items in there, but I do remember that once he got them all out, there were six.
I couldn't help myself. I shouted, "There are at least five and perhaps as many as FOURTEEN bacon-related items in this sack!"
I'm such a pain. I don't think they're going to let me back next year.
Seriously, there were at least 4 different tool sets being passed around. There was also a tool tote/storage bag that a couple of guys wrestled over. I guess it's not a real man's tool bag unless it's got blood on it.
"You will blog about this"
I looked at my slip and said, "You will die alone and afraid, secure in the knowledge that no one ever loved you... aw, I *always* get that one."
There were a couple of obvious DVD movies among the Dirty Santa presents. While one was being opened I pretended I could already see the title. "Oh!... Eat, Pray, Love!" The guy opening it brightened up quite a bit when he saw that it was actually Iron Man 2.
Good for what ails ya
I couldn't help myself. I shouted, "There are at least five and perhaps as many as FOURTEEN bacon-related items in this sack!"
I'm such a pain. I don't think they're going to let me back next year.
Monday, 20 December 2010
Last Thursday my wife and I attended a Trans-Siberian Orchestra Concert. Orchestra, Theater, and Rock n' roll... it was great.
The guitarists were beautiful long-haired men in tuxedos. The stage lights were intense. The volume was thunderous. And virtually all of the "stage-front" folks stood bow-legged.
I shall demonstrate.
The narrator and singers stood with a slight V, like they were afraid of being knocked over by a stiff breeze.
Invisible Microphone!
The violinist stood as if one leg was broken and she was being electrocuted.
Invisible Violin!
Most of the guitarists stood bow-legged, like they were riding a horse.
Invisible Guitar!
The alpha-male guitarist did the same, but with a wider stance. It looked like he was trying to ride a brontosaurus.
Invisible Brontosaurus!
By the way, if you feel the need to Photoshop any of these pics, feel free. :) Just click into them for larger versions.
The guitarists were beautiful long-haired men in tuxedos. The stage lights were intense. The volume was thunderous. And virtually all of the "stage-front" folks stood bow-legged.
I shall demonstrate.
The narrator and singers stood with a slight V, like they were afraid of being knocked over by a stiff breeze.
Invisible Microphone!
The violinist stood as if one leg was broken and she was being electrocuted.
Invisible Violin!
Most of the guitarists stood bow-legged, like they were riding a horse.
Invisible Guitar!
The alpha-male guitarist did the same, but with a wider stance. It looked like he was trying to ride a brontosaurus.
Invisible Brontosaurus!
By the way, if you feel the need to Photoshop any of these pics, feel free. :) Just click into them for larger versions.
Friday, 17 December 2010
My wife and I saw Naria: Voyage of the Dawn Treader last weekend.It's a pretty good movie by any measure. It also has, as far as I can tell, the coolest sequel name *ever*.
Seriously... before I figured out that "Dawn Treader" was a boat, I had no idea what the title was talking about. It sounds cool while conveying no meaning whatsoever.
Any movie would benefit from having "Voyage of the Dawn Treader" as its Sequel title. Just consider:
GhostBusters 3: Voyage of the Dawn Treader.
Admit it. It works. It doesn't mean anything, but it *works*.
Even More Jaws: Voyage of the Dawn Treader.
This voyage will end badly. I went with "even more" because I have no idea how many sequels Jaws has, nor do I care enough to look it up.
But my favorite...
Attack of the 50 Foot Woman Part 2: Voyage of the Dawn Treader.
Admit it. You'd pay money to watch this baby on the big screen. I know I would.
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