I got an email at work announcing CPR classes.
I'm not sure why the company decided to offer these. We all have low-impact office jobs, so maybe there's been an outbreak of people choking on Twinkie's.
It reminded me of a story I heard about my dad. He may choose to defend his honor if I get too many details wrong, but here goes:
When my dad was 10-ish, he and a school buddy took CPR classes. They were very proud of themselves, with a constant stream of bravado flowing between them. "If somebody chokes, *I'm* gonna save them!" "No you won't, 'cause *I'll* save them first!"
It happened that fairly soon after the classes, the family took a day trip and invited dad's little friend to come with them. Dad and his buddy stood in the middle of a big crowd of people, still chattering at each other about all the lives they would save.
A woman in front of them fainted and fell backwards.
Dad and his little friend stepped to either side. The woman crashed down between them. They both looked down at her, and then took off running.
I decided not to attend my company's CPR classes. I've heard what responsibility can do to a man.
I'm not sure why the company decided to offer these. We all have low-impact office jobs, so maybe there's been an outbreak of people choking on Twinkie's.
It reminded me of a story I heard about my dad. He may choose to defend his honor if I get too many details wrong, but here goes:When my dad was 10-ish, he and a school buddy took CPR classes. They were very proud of themselves, with a constant stream of bravado flowing between them. "If somebody chokes, *I'm* gonna save them!" "No you won't, 'cause *I'll* save them first!"
It happened that fairly soon after the classes, the family took a day trip and invited dad's little friend to come with them. Dad and his buddy stood in the middle of a big crowd of people, still chattering at each other about all the lives they would save.
A woman in front of them fainted and fell backwards.Dad and his little friend stepped to either side. The woman crashed down between them. They both looked down at her, and then took off running.
I decided not to attend my company's CPR classes. I've heard what responsibility can do to a man.
Later, the kids were in the pool. My sister suggested they run in circles and make a whirlpool, but they didn't quite get the idea until I said, "Make the water spin around like a toilet." Thus motivated, the two big kids started running, dragging Little Nephew behind them on his floaties. Oldest Nephew looked at the wake his little brother was leaving and shouted, "Look! He's leaving a streak behind him!"
"Ahem," I said, trying to act dignified. "Some idiot poured coffee on the floor. I'll get it."
There's a Subway restaurant right across the street from our office. Big Dawg eats there at least three times a week. They know him by name, and they know exactly what his usual order is. I don't go more than once a week, but I've been in there enough with Big Dawg that the Subway ladies know I work with him.
"Big Dawg was just in here, but he changed his order on us! You got his bread!"
Maarek and I were discussing how business decisions are made. The "Dilbert" method of decision making involves finding the worst possible idea and running with it. We started to riff on the method.
I knew exactly how to top this one off. "And for resources, our development team will consist of half of an drunk dead monkey."
It started with my wife and I in the kitchen, puppy-sitting 6 pups from the Golfer. He called us to make sure that the pups were getting enough water.
I woke up. My wife was squeezing my hand hard. "What are you shouting about?!?" She was unhappy.
This silliness was born out of an Instant Message conversation with the devil on my shoulder:
*whoosh*flying*noise*
