The Confused "Italian" Waitress

*cough* *ahem*

My wife and I went out to eat with Metacow and his family. We met up at a nice Italian place. At least, it was supposed to be a nice Italian place.

When we were first looking at the menus, Metacow's wife asked the waitress to describe one of the entrees. "It's got noodles and tomatoes and..." She leaned in close to look at the picture. "I guess it's got some kind of white cheese on it."

Metacow's wife stopped blinking. "You mean, Mozzarella, right?" The waitress looked confused. "Mozzarella?"

Waiter, there are 162 flies in my "soup".

Our Italian waitress didn't know what Mozzarella is. Not a good sign.

Later when the waitress brought out the bread, she also poured some of the (olive oil?) into a couple of shallow bowls for dipping. One of Metacow's kids asked, "What's that called?" The waitress shrugged. "I don't know."

When she took my order, I decided to try something that I didn't quite know how to pronounce. I pointed at "Chicken Milanese" on the menu and made an attempt to say it. "Did I pronounce that right?", I asked. She shrugged. "I have no idea."

Would you like sliced mushrooms and "mozzarella" with this?

Somebody asked if they could substitute a baked potato for one of the sides. "I'm sorry," she replied. "We don't have baked potatoes here. Even if we did, we don't have any of the fixin's." She got a nostalgic grin on her face, and a slight southern accent started to come out. "We don't have any sour cream, bacon bits, or baked beans."

"I think she's working at the wrong restaurant," I said after she left.

After dinner, Metacow's wife said she'd be happy to leave the tip. She wrote down on a scrap of paper, "You should apply for a job at Outback."