Funny Pics

Some random funny pics from my email archive. Happy Friday!

A biker and his babe


This is what happens when your kids take away your car keys.

When someone steals your Kodak moment











Story of my life



Chewbacca, on a squirrel, fighting Nazis
(Aw yeah!)

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ScrumMaster

So, I got this thing in the mail inviting me to a ScrumMaster workshop. ScrumMaster is a real thing in the business world, but you know that doesn't matter to me. I'm not here to advocate the latest business fads trends. I'm here to mock goofy terminology.

First, let's ponder this name, "ScrumMaster". It makes me happy. I'm not sure exactly what he's the master of, but I'd bet he always wears a malicious grin. One fist is always clenched and he never blinks. His briefcase holds a dirty deformed wooden stick and a three-ring binder full of the punctured souls of his enemies. He will, he WILL, rock you.

There's a section in the pamphlet called "Immediate Benefits of Participating in this Workshop". Here's a sample:



A couple of thoughts.

1) "Conduct decomposition". I'm pretty sure that means your project turns to poop. I've seen this happen without the assistance of any Scrum-Whatevers. It's not that hard.

2) "Scrum Alliance". Sounds like a tight-nit clan of freedom fighters. If being a Scrum-Thing includes wielding a sword, I'm all in.

From the Course Outline...



My mom grew up in the country. This vague association with rustic living probably puts me at an advantage over my pathetic ignorant city-dwelling brethren on item b.



"MetaScrum"? "Scrum of Scrums"? Really? How much alcohol was involved in the creation of this ScrumMaster stuff? Why not MacroScrum, Awe-Scrum and The Mighty Scrumoid?

Still, this stuff is just goofy enough to have my interest. And they have a "sensible, cost-saving" whiz-bang, so I actually briefly considered digging deeper to find out what all this nonsense is about.



Whoa. $1,395?

For that price, you can call me Scrum-less.

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Department Lunch

We celebrated some birthdays in our office by having a big department lunch. I love these things... I almost always end up with some good stories from them.

It's been a while since I wrote about these big fellas ... it's not much, but here's a link

Up first in the parade of goodies are "Large" and "In Charge". There was a sharpie over by the paper cups, and Large used it to write his name on his cup. No one else bothered.

I was near the end of the line, so when I grabbed a cup I also grabbed the Sharpie. I wrote "Not Large" on it. Despite the lack of my actual name, there was no problem identifying my cup.

Later, while I was seated, "In Charge" walked by. He's quite a big guy, so it *should* have surprised me when he stomped on the ground and thrust his hand in my face. He even shouted, "AHA!" while grinning wildly. Instead, I was so impassive that I didn't even blink.

"You need to get your reflexes checked," he said. I turned, pretending to just notice him. "I'm sorry, did you say something?"

SWoaN nearly fell out of her chair laughing.

But the best... oh my, the BEST... that would be the Genius. He more or less sat on the birthday cake.

Do you remember the Genius? He's worth remembering. Check out his little old lady impression and his bad mind reader gag.

What happened is that the Genius stood near the table that had the sheet cake on it. He turned around and bent over for something. He moved slightly side to side while rummaging for whatever. In the process, he managed to wiggle his hinder against one corner of the cake, destroying it.

His rump was covered in red icing. He had to un-tuck his shirt so he could cover the evidence.

The Genius left the party for a few minutes. Somebody looked around and asked, "Where's the Genius? Is he afraid to show his... face?"

When the Genius returned to the room, we all applauded for him. The shout-outs were glorious.

"Enjoy the butt-cake!"
"No butts about it!"
"Let's make him the butt of all our jokes!"

I can't wait for the next department lunch. :)

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Album Covers

Here are the rules:

1 - Go to Wikipedia. Hit "random"
The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to Quotations Page and select "random quotations"
The last four or five words of the very last quote on the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to Flickr and click on "explore the last seven days"
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

With that in mind...

I have to admit... I didn't strictly follow the rules for the album name on this one.



The album name on this one would make a good commentary on this blog post. :)



Finally, for this one I completely ignored the rules. Click over to Best Band Name Ever if you want the backstory on this one. :)

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State Holidays

I found out that last Friday was "Pioneer Day" up in Utah. Many workers in that state got the day off.

I think Oklahoma needs more state holidays. We can miss work with the best of them!

"Deer Day"
The first day of hunting season is practically a state holiday anyway. Why not make it official?

"Moonshine's Day"
Commemorating the day that Blessed Moonshine (King Hop's malformed niece) first crawled into a barrel and let herself ferment.

"Broken Foot Tuesday"
Marking the day that Oklahoma's first governor won a bitter partisan debate by dropping a ripe possum on his opponent's foot.

"Blue n' Gold Sausage Day"
Because it's so hard to concentrate on work while you're waiting for sausages to be delivered.

"All Hillbilly's Eve"
Be honest. You don't even know what it is, but you hope there's a YouTube video.

What state holiday will you celebrate?

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Afflicted Sausages

"We love you, SweetLady!"

"Are you just saying that because I brought breakfast?"

[pause] "*AND* you brought breakfast?!?"

------------------

The Administrative Assistant for our department at work is a very sweet lady. She brought breakfast for the department one day last week.

There were donuts and sausage rolls as far as the eye could see. The sausage rolls were wrapped in thin rice paper. About half of them were marked with the letter "P".

This sparked some discussion of what the "P" might indicate. After some thought, OoRah suggested, "Pork."

I had doubts. "I bet it stands for 'Pony'."

OoRah looked at me like I was crazy. "No. I think it's 'Pittsburgh'."

SWoaN took a bite of one. "I think it's got cheese in it."

"Ah," I said. The mystery was solved. "'P' stands for 'Cheese'."

Later, we found out what the 'P' actually stood for. Each of the Afflicted Sausages (good name for a rock band?) had a near-microscopic green bit that smelled faintly of jalapeño. One bit per sausage, literally.

Obviously, as P-Ziddy suggested, the 'P' stands for sPicy.

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Imagination

The fine folks over at HelpSTAR are at it again. These are the same folks who sent me the "You don't have to be an oil baron..." CD mailer 4 months ago. They provide some kind of management training / consulting or somesuch. Just like last time, the mailer was pretty much incomprehensible.



This time it's in the style of a motivational poster. That text at the bottom is crazy-small, so I've bumped up the size a bit.



"The art of managing without the facts." Um... yeah. Sure. There's another phrase to describe this "art"...



Mmm.... I luvs me a good motivational poster!



I have no idea how I got on HelpSTAR's mailing list, but I kinda like it. I wish they sent out their crazy mailers more often.

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