A Celebration Of Incompetence

Some days you just know *know* are going to be a struggle.

I was driving to work one morning, and found myself stuck in a line of slow-moving cars. I hadn't made it to the highway yet, so passing wasn't a realistic option. I could just make out the truck at the front... it was a plumber. I mentally dubbed him "Slow the Plumber", and waited for a break from Low-MPH Purgatory.

At an intersection, I decided to take a detour. It would take me a mile out of my way, but at least then I could cruise at a normal speed. I turned off onto a narrow two-lane road that was blocked by a tree service.

In the distance, I could hear Slow the Plumber laughing.

I finally made it into work. Ever since the Earbud Theft incident, I lock my desk drawers. So, I walked up and tried to take the keys out of my pocket. My hand got stuck.

If I let go of the keys, I could get my hand out. Grab keys = hand stuck. Apparently the story about a monkey with his hand stuck in a coconut is true.

I eventually got the keys out. The pocket turned inside out and there was a slight tearing noise, but I was victorious! Then I tried to take my jacket off, got an arm stuck, and fell over.

I stayed down. Eventually someone found me. "What are you doing down there?" "Trying to break the cycle," I explained.

Dang plumber.

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Christmas Tie

I'm very thankful that I don't have to dress up for my job. Business Casual for the win!

Even so, some days it's fun to wear a tie to work. I can usually freak out at least one person.

"Hey, why are you wearing a tie today?"
"No reason... say, is it 2 o'clock yet?"
"Almost, why?"
"No reason... I'll see you tomorrow! Probably."

I also have some Christmas ties that I rarely get to wear. This December, I decided to wear one every week, just for the fun of it.

I dusted off this little blue beauty (literally... it had dust on it).



Not bad, right? Then I put it on.



I don't remember how I obtained this tie, but it seems I was 6 years old at the time.

It saddens me that I apparently only outgrew it recently. *sigh*

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A Coffee-Stained Prize

A short one for your Friday enjoyment.

I was listening to the radio as I drove home from work one day. The DJ was talking about something and said, "We should make a contest out of this. The next caller who can tell me [whatever] will win a... hm... let's see..."

There was a brief pause as he rummaged around his desk. "What will the prize be? Oh! Here we go. I've got a new CD from... ack... spilled coffee..."

There was another pause.

"OK, so the next caller to do [thus n such] will win a new CD from the band [whatever]! It's got a coffee stain on it but it's OK."

I was tempted to call in, just so I could get a coffee-stained prize. :)

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Who Moved My Mug?

It was one of those "offload, then reload" moments. I dropped off my mug at the water fountain on the way to the bathroom.

When I came back to the water fountain, my mug was gone. I looked around for a minute, and found it over on a nearby counter.

Instantly, I knew who had played this harmless little joke on me. "Ah. Big Dawg moved my mug."

I filled up the mug and then went to see Big Dawg. I poured a little water on his desk. "There you go," I explained. "You deserve this."

Big Dawg's face showed honest bewilderment. "Why?" I began to doubt my assumption.

"You moved my mug, right?" "No..."

I was sunk and I knew it. Big Dawg was honestly as confused as he's ever been. There was a long awkward pause.

"I'll go get a paper towel."

As I wiped up the mess, Big Dawg quizzed me. "What happened?" While I explained the mystery of the mobile mug, OoRah came over to join the conversation. "So who moved your mug?", Big Dawg asked. I saw OoRah grin. "I have a suspect in mind," I said.

OoRah grinned wider. "Did you move my mug?" "Of course!", he happily replied.

OoRah prank'ed me, and I responded by pouring water on Big Dawg's desk.

Just another day in the life.

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The Terror Of Tiny Town

At Thanksgiving this year, one of my uncles asked if I'd ever seen The Terror Of Tiny Town. It's a 1938 B-Movie Western with an all-midget cast.

It was a little like the "are you hungry" conversation in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. ("Are you hungry?" "No." "OK, I'll fix you something to eat.") Before I knew what had happened, my uncle promised to mail me the DVD.

When the movie arrived, I knew I was in for something special. Just look at that cover! "Little Guys" on Shetland ponies? NOW it's a party!

I showed the DVD box to my wife and said, "Well, I guess we ought to watch it." She replied, "I'll be out Saturday morning, *you* can watch it then."

My wife is wise.

Check out this note on the back of the DVD box...

"... routinely cited as one of the strangest movies ever made." This is one of their big selling points. What could go wrong?



It was pretty special. Paper-thin plot! Horrendously bad acting! Forbidden love!

The ponies are the only things in the movie that are downsized for the cast. They are tiny cowboys with big attitudes in an over-sized world. Oh, and there's a lot of singing. It kinda hurts.

Thankfully, the movie is as short as its actors (just over an hour). If you enjoy watching awful B-Movies... well, even then this one will test you. :)

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Adventures In Decorating

It wouldn't surprise me at all to see this on a neighbor's house

I hung up my lights early this year, like I always do. I prefer to hang the lights in late October / early November, because I don't like freezing on the top of a ladder. Heck, one year I actually hung the lights in shorts and a t-shirt.

We tested the lights before putting them up. All worked. We tested the lights after they went up. They all worked.

Weeks passed. Thanksgiving passed. Time to turn on the lights for real! The inflatable Santa rose like the mighty Phoenix. The bulbs glowed. All was well. "We're done with the lights!", I declared.

A half hour later, my wife looked out out window and said a surprising word. She followed that up with, "Some of the lights are out."

Both of these died on me this year

We lost half a string of icicle lights. Right in the middle of a big run of lights around the gutter. Naturally, the section directly above the landscaping, which requires a tall ladder and some interesting acrobatics to get near. Swell.

I got that string of lights replaced. It was cold, but I dared not complain. All of the lights came on. "We're done with the lights!", I declared.

That very night, the lights came on. Santa rose from the ground, and then fell over again a half-hour later.

We fried my Santa.

The new Santa!

So, now we've replaced Santa. I usually put outlet covers on the ends of all the light strings, just as an extra precaution against water and ice (overkill, I know). I took one off and brought it inside.

"We're done with...", my wife began. I cut her off.

"No! Don't say that. We're not done until I put this outlet cover on the end of the last string of lights."

I put the cover in a box. I figure, if we're never actually *done* out there, then nothing else will pop.

Wish me luck.

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Happy Thanksgiving, 2011

Have a good long weekend! :)

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