Milestone

This hunting season, OoRah is growing a beard.

He told me, "I was talking to my wife and oldest daughter... I said, 'If I shoot a doe, I'll shave this down to a goatee. If I shoot a buck, I'll shave it all off. But if [oldest daughter] shoots a deer before I do, I'll shave my head.'"

Oldest Daughter's reply was swift. "No you won't!"

OoRah grinned big at this point in the story. "You know what that means, right?", he asked me. "She's finally at an age where I can embarrass her in public. YES!"

He did a fist pump and everything. When I finally got my laughter under control, I said "This is a glorious time for you. Enjoy it!"

OoRah cackled. "Oh, I plan to."

"It's like your golden years, only without the arthritis."

"Exactly!"

I'm so glad he's not my dad.

Read More

Tee Hee, A Key

Sometimes Big Dawg gets histerically giddy for little or no reason. It's like watching a cartoon character. Usually the words "Heeee! Heee-heeee-heeeee-heeee! Heeee-heee!" are involved.

This... [dramatic pause]... is one of those times.

There was a random office conversation going on. A group of us standing around, talking about Battlestar Galactica (and other such important issues).

Big Dawg pulled his keys out of his pocket, looked down, and laughed. "Heeeee! Heee-heee-heeee-heeeeee!"

In reply, we all looked at him oddly. Still giggling, he held his handfull of keys out to me, indicating that I should look. He pointed at one key in particular.

I looked. "That's a key," I agreed. "Most of the time those aren't funny."

Undeterred, Big Dawg pointed again. "It's hard to see in this light, but there's a little indented pattern on the key that I'd never noticed before. It's like a little key-man flexing..."

Big Dawg quickly gave a little demonstration-flex, just in case I had never seen it done before. Then, "It made me think, is this supposed to be a key to...", he flexed again, "... a strong-box? What's in the strong-box? Money? Secrets? Is that where they keep the really good drugs?"

I kept my voice as deadpan as possible. "No, I get the impression you already found *that* box."

"Heeee! Heee-heee-heeee-heeee!"

I work with a cartoon character, folks. I couldn't be happier. :)

Read More

Devil Ducky

The Golfer came up to me one day with a little card in his hand and a slightly befuddled look on his face. "My boss gave me this," he explained. "He saw it in an advertisement and said it made him think of you."



I managed to contain my squeal of glee, barely. The boss's boss had cut a Devil Duckie out of a magazine for me!

The Golfer continued. "I'm not sure what this says about you... or him, I suppose..."

I took the Duckie and grinned. "All is says about him is that he's paying attention."

I got a Duckie!

Read More

Penguins

Last Friday was the end of the world. Again. I guess. At any rate, that led to this discussion with ICanSpell...

----------------
ICanSpell: Any end of world or rapture type things happening there?

Me: Naw, just some wing'ed demons.

ICanSpell: That was just Big Dawg.

Me: Big Dawg is a flightless wing'ed demon.

ICanSpell: Like a penguin of the underworld?

Me: Absolutely. Also, this is the point where the conversation must be shared with Big Dawg. I think he'll find some joy in the title, "Penguin of the Underworld".
----------------


So, I shared the conversation with Big Dawg, who replied...

"I like sushi. Tuxes are cool. Demons and the underworld are not for me, nor do they represent me. Angelic Penguin of Happiness is much more appropriate."

Naturally, his cubical nameplate was altered. Instead of "Smarty Pants Programmer", his title now reads "Angelic Penguin of Happiness".

On a related note, it's stunning how many images come up when you do a Google images search for "Evil Penguin". Very few of them are the Batman villain. Amazing.

Read More

Code Monkey

My buddy P-Ziddy sent me a link to this most excellent shirt you can buy over at ThinkGeek.

I was still cackling insanely when Big Dawg walked around the corner. "Lookit!", I pointed.

Big Dawg smiled happily. "That would be a great shirt for all of us to order and wear on the same day."

I agreed. "When people ask, 'What's up the Programmers today?', we could politely explain, 'Ah-Ooh!-ah-oh-ah-oh-ah-ooka!'"

Along with the monkey noises, I flailed my arms wildly and rocked back and forth.

As responses go, I figure it wouldn't *quite* answer the question. However, I think it would put a stop any future questions. In my book, that amounts to pretty much the same thing.

Read More

Simple Philosophy

A simple one for Friday, from the email archive. Slightly PG-ified. :)

My older friends tell me that this graph is stunning in its simplicity and accuracy. I hope you enjoy.

Read More

Weed Eater

I was working on the yard last week and noticed the motor winding down on the weed eater. It's an electric, so this isn't exactly normal.

I pushed on until I smelled smoke. Then I did my best to stomp out the resulting flames. Then I did a little "whoo-hoo hot-foot" dance and fell over on the driveway.

Time for a new weedeater. I went to Lowes and grumbled. The low-end unit they had was the same one that just burned up on me. They were out of stock on the next model up. So, I went for the "Foliage Fiend Vege-Crush 8000". The logo was sub-titled, "It's a good day to maim."

When I took it out of the box, the little dual-lines were already spinning slowly. The machine smelled like menace and dead leaves. I plugged it in. Time for a test run.

Thankfully, I've always wanted a door on that wall.

This weed eater is unbelievable and more than a little scary. It obliterated grass. It threw rocks like bullets. It cut deep into a tree stump, and sliced through fence posts like butter.

On a whim, I pointed it up in the air. The dual-lines acted like helicopter blades, and I started to rise up off the ground. I must have looked like Tim Allen as Mary Poppins.

I'm pretty sure I could jump-start my car with this thing.

I'm afraid to use it again, honestly. Thankfully, I've got some time before that's necessary. The yard will probably take a year or two before it recovers.

Read More