Bewildered Texan

From the email archive...



While hiking down along the border this morning, I saw a Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River; he was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying. Along with him was an illegal Mexican who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back.



If they didn't get help, they'd surely drown.



Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff's Office and Homeland Security.



It is now 4 PM, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded.



I'm starting to think I might have wasted two stamps....

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Art For Auntie

On my side of the family, we have a very sweet Auntie who is 85 years old. My mother decided it would be nice to have the grandkids (my niece and nephews) color pictures for her.



Mom's instructions were simple. "You color the pictures, I'll mail them to Auntie."

My art is

my life

My niece (9 years old) chose to color in a squirrel.



She signed the picture, and then wrote on it:



"Auntie... you're the nuts!"



I love it. This is going to be my standard "Attaboy" response from now on.



"Hey OoRah... nice job on those TPS reports. You're the nuts!"



"Officer, thanks for chasing down that mugger. You're the nuts!"



"Thanks for remembering my birthday, Honey. You're the nuts!"



Oh, this is gonna be fun. :)

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The A/C Hero

brb... Spongebob's on!

"I think he thought he was wearing a cape."



That's how my wife described the A/C repairman who came out to our house recently.



We have a leak and we know it, but it'll take (potentially) a couple of days for them to fix it. We've been big Freon consumers this season.



Anyway, the repairman was an enthusiastic optimist who confused easily. "You have a leak?," he pondered. "Why do you only want Freon?"



My wife pointed out that it's still summer, still 100 degrees out, and two days without A/C is not a good option at this point. "But it might not take that long to find the leak," he protested. "Let me up in your attic."



He pulled the string on the bottom of our attic stairs. "Poink!" The string broke. He stood there a minute, just staring at the limp strands. "Uh... Sorry."



He tossed the string aside and stretched for half that was still attached. Stairs down, he bounded up like Spiderman leaping into a burning building.

Plus I think I got a splinter

Two seconds later, he bounded back down the stairs. "It's *hot* up there!", he exclaimed. He was unblinking, gasping, and bathed in sweat.



"Well yeah," my wife said. "Didn't anybody ever tell you that attics get hot in summer?"



"No!"



We got our Freon and the A/C Hero left, no doubt rushing off to share his new wisdom with the masses.



"Attics get hot in the summer! Pass it on!"

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Husband Down

(From the email archive)...







A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.



The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.



"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.



"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans," he replies.



"Put them back, we can't afford them," demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.



A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.



"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.



"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.



Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."



HUSBAND DOWN....HUSBAND DOWN! AISLE 7

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Minor Chuckles

I've decided to take the week off from writing for this blog. I've got a few small chuckles for you today, and then another for Thursday.



From the email archive...

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Unstoppable

I'm going to drop you into the middle of a conversation.



I don't remember why, but OoRah and I were talking about my insulated coffee mug. It looks like a disposable paper cup, but it's actually insulated plastic. Mine has a dark blue grip around the middle.



OoRah pointed and said, "My wife has one just like that, only its pink."



"So does my wife," I replied. Which is actually true. She never uses it, but she does have one.



"We have so much in common," OoRah said. "We both wear glasses, we both have wives with pink plastic coffee mugs..."



I flexed and added... "We're both unstoppable hulks."



OoRah nearly choked laughing at that one. "Hey now," I complained. "It shouldn't be *that* funny."



"It is."







I'll grant you, there is a small size difference between the two of us. Hardly noticeable.

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Halloween Costume Idea

I don't remember how it came up, but I glad it did. During a conversation with P-Ziddy, a bizarre idea popped into my head. A Halloween costume idea, specifically.



"Redneck Wizard."



Picture it... a pointy wizard's hat, with fishing lures in the brim.



A black robe with overalls.



A beer coozy in one hand, and a wizard's staff in the other. Of course, the staff would have a fishing reel attached.







YA'LL! SHALL NOT! PASS!



I may have to do it. I giggle every time I think about it.



P-Ziddy thinks I need a laser scope on the staff, as well. I think... hm. Maybe. :) What you do think?

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