Headphones Theft

Free to a felonious home

Well, I had small crisis at the office a few weeks ago. My headphones (earbuds) went missing.

It's possible that they got knocked off into the trash, or misplaced. It's more likely that a janitor ran off with them.

I wasn't too concerned because the earbuds were showing their age anyway. Plus, I'd just been given a Best Buy gift card. Even so, I figured I should warn the others against leaving things laying around.

I got everybody's attention and announced, "Somewhere out there, a janitor is enjoying my earwax."

I will *not* be using this laundromat again

Eventually the conversation wound around to preventative measures. "We should set up video surveillance", M16 suggested.

"Or we could just get a department Rottweiler," I said.

Somebody (can't remember who) suggested an exploding dye pack. "They put in the earbuds and *poof*!"

I liked the idea. "Hey, you with the purple ear! Get back over here!"

I'm not sure anything was actually resolved, but I do like my new earbuds.

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Screen Time Screen Saver Factory

When I started my current job five years ago, I inherited a pile of instruction manuals and reams of odd documentation. I threw away more than half of it, but then stored the rest in a file cabinet "just in case". I've never opened that file cabinet.

I decided to start going through that cabinet again. The very first thing I pulled out was this:

A screen saver instruction manual. Even better, it's got little bookmark tabs in it! Somebody *studied* this thing! I knew I was in for a treat even before I opened it.

And then I opened it. Check out the Serial Number...

If you don't know what those first four letters stand for, please do not Google them. It's safer that way.

System requirements go all the way back to Windows 3.1! Aw yeah. And it's highlighted! I imagine some previous developer carrying this thing around in his pocket, ready to jump at a moment's notice to *just* the right page. It was his personal printed version of Wikipedia.

And he had such nice handwriting, too.

At this point I'm starting to wish he'd used a different highlighter color. "Pea Soup Green"... mmmm. Yummy. Pardon me while I go 'urp' in a corner...

So, my "clean out the drawer" project is off to a roaring success. I've moved exactly one item, and I dare not throw it away.

Maybe I should just leave the drawer alone for a while. Again.

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"Super" Bad Math

On a game show last week, the host asked his contestants, "How many letters are in the word, 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious'?"

If you say it loud enough...

I had roughly two seconds to come up with my guess. I blurted out, "35!". The correct answer is 34, so I was pretty happy.

"How did you do that?", my wife asked.

"Well, I said the word in my head and came up with 8 syllables. I figured there were about 6 letters in each syllable, and 8 times 6 is 35."

We basked in my genius for a minute. Then, my wife turned her head sideways a bit and said, "Wait... 8 times 6... is?..."

"Thirty-five," I confirmed. Then I blinked. "Uh. Wait. Not 35. Uh. Hm. Well. Uh..."

There was a long moment of silence. Then, my wife said, "Are you sure there are 8 syllables?"

"Of course," I scoffed. I began to count them out on my hand. "Sue. Per. Cal. Ee. Fra. Gil. Is. Tic.... Uh..."

‎(x + a)² =
x² + 2ax + a²

Turns out there are 14 syllables in the word.

"Well done," my wife said. While grinning.

"Look, I still got the question right!"

"You were off by one," she pointed out.

"Dangit!"

It's not easy being me.

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The Incremental Moron Password

I was showing OoRah how I reset user passwords. "That's pretty much it," I explained. "Now you have to email the user and let them know."

"What about folks who forget their password more than once?"

"It's tough," I said, "But I can usually find a way to notify them without using the word 'idiot'."

"Ah." OoRah pondered this. "So you use 'moron' instead, right?"

YEAH BABY!!!

"Tempting, but generally no."

OoRah made a beautiful suggestion. "You should note all the people who do this more than once. "Your password is 1moron", then "Your password is 2moron", and so on."

It was really hard to keep from shouting "YEAH BABY!" at the top of my lungs. Instead, between gasping laughs, I said "Don't put ideas like that in my head! I'll *do* it! It's your fault!"

OoRah seemed OK with this possibility. "You can call it 'The Incremental Moron Password'."

YEAH BABY!!!

It was clear that a pinacle had been achieved. "Well," I decided, "I will at least make a blog post about this and use that title."

OoRah was overjoyed. "YEAH BABY!"

I think we're both more than a little insane. Send help.

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Dedication

On my random day off last week I had a checkup with the doctor who diagnosed my hip problems (I'm doing fine, thanks for asking).

The next day when I went into work, the Golfer asked me how the doctor's visit went. "Well," I said, "The doctor actually recommended that I take *today* off also, but I am FAR too dedicated and loyal to even consider such a thing!"

The Golfer nearly fell over laughing. I guess the rumors of my dedication and loyalty leave a little something to be desired.

This is a short post, so I'll leave you with a bonus pic from OoRah.

Can you outrun the fox?



Happy Weekend!

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I'll Meet You In The Bathroom

Hello boys and girls! Are you ready to pound out some code?

At work, I am usually one of the last to arrive every morning. My habit is to wander through the department past everybody's desk and say "hi".

"Good morning, LadyPatsFan."
"Hi, M16."
"Sorry to see you again, Big Dawg."

And so on.

One morning I wandered through, and the Golfer wasn't at his desk. There was a likely explanation, and as luck would have it I needed to use those facilities myself.

I opened up the bathroom door and shouted, "Good morning, Golfer!"

'Doh!

There were four guys in the bathroom. None of them were the Golfer.

Now those guys think they are heros of the workplace for preventing an illicit bathroom rendezvous.

*sigh*

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Harry Potter And The Unruly Crowds Of Fandom

I had a random day off last Thursday, so my wife and I went to the movies. We saw Transformers 3, which was quite good.

Dos Equis? Don't mind if I do!

There is no chin behind Hagrid's beard... only another fist

I'll let you make your own 'magic wand' jokes here

Dance, little man! DANCE!

Thursday was also the day before the opening midnight showings of the last Harry Potter movie. We knew it would be nutty around there, we just didn't think it would start so early in the day.

When we left the theater at 6:40, there were already people camping out in the lobby, waiting to claim their spot for the midnight shows. Not just teenage girls, either. I saw kids, adults, grandparents... it was pretty amazing.

"We're smart to wait a week or two before we see that one," I commented. A little girl who was dressed like Professor McGonagall glared at me, hard.

"Can you imagine how insane this crowd is going to be?", I asked.

A kid with a Hagrid beard and several pillows stuffed under his shirt confronted me. "Are you saying we're insane?", he demanded.

"Is this a trick question?"

Another kid with a black cloak stood up and shook his wand at me, fire in his eyes. "Avada kedavra!!!", he roared. The Hagrid kid took the opportunity to kick my shins.

It was clear we wouldn't escape without a distraction. I pointed toward the far theater and shouted. "Equus!"

There was a stampede.

We eventually got out, although I now have multiple lightning-shaped scars.

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