Traveling Saleman

Check snopes.com for delivery date

Almost two months ago, a Negligent Boy Scout knocked on our door. We didn't know at the time that he would be negligent, we just knew that he was selling Boy Scout Popcorn.

We bought a package and was told that he'd come back in two weeks to deliver.

About 4 weeks into our popcorn vigil my wife and I decided to come to terms with reality. There would be no popcorn. Our dreams had been forgotten, our desires would be denied. We cried ourselves to sleep that night. Outside, angels wept for us.

Last week, the doorbell rang. It was the Negligent Boy Scout's mom, and she had our popcorn. My wife grilled her. "Why did it take so long? Don't you live in this neighborhood?"

"Well, we used to." "You moved?" "Yeah, we sold everybody around here a bunch of poop and then we hit the road."

We haven't tried our popcorn yet. We're a little afraid of the flavor.

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Bad Family Photos

We visited my sister for Thanksgiving. My Niece (8 years old) grabbed my hand. "Uncle Jeff, come look!"

She dragged me over to the wall of family photos and started pointing. "This one's no good," she explained. She was pointing at a picture of her older brother.

I couldn't resist

"This one's no good, too." Now she was pointing at a picture of her younger brother. Her finger drifted over to a picture of herself. "This one is good."

The pattern thus established, she continued to work her way through the pictures. "This one's bad. This one is really bad. This one is nice. This one has got to go. This one needs to go. This one is pretty."

She pointed to a picture of her parents. "This one has GOT to GO!", she shouted, grinning.

I glanced back at my sister. She was laughing, but had a semi-horrified look on her face.

There's more than one problem here

Niece worked her way through about 15 pictures, most of which were "bad". She finished with a picture of herself, saying "...and this one is good!"

It was my moment. I looked at her and said, "Have you ever considered that *you* might be the problem?"

"Aw, Uncle Jeff!" Niece rolled her eyes at me and ran away, giggling.

My sister was holding her sides and trying not to fall over laughing. "Yes!," she gasped. "Yes!, it's her! Trust me! It's her! She's the problem!"

I'm glad we were able to establish blame... it's the first step toward healing. :)

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Happy Thanksgiving!

Enjoy the holiday!



No blog post tomorrow.

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Foul Language

I was walking out of the office a few days ago when I heard two building maintenance guys talking. I only heard part of the conversation as they walked by. What I heard was perplexing.

"Yes, please."
"Watch your language."

Both guys were just talking, not shouting. They didn't sound angry, but they weren't joking, either.

I have no idea how "Yes, please" could provoke that kind of a response.

I could understand if his phrase had ended with, "... AND your mother!" My mind can fill in *those* gaps.

Mental Note: Building Maintenance folk are offended by common courtesy. Next time I ask one for something I'll have to slap his face and defile his tool belt.

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A Mighty Roar

The freight elevator near my desk is a constant source of background noise. Most of the time it's pretty easy to ignore, but every now and then we hear something new.

Last week there was a roar from the freight elevator. I'm going to guess that it was human, but it's hard to say for sure. It sounded like a cross between Animal and Chewbacca. It was so loud that Big Dawg heard it through his headphones.

"What was that?", he asked. I gave it my best guess. "I think there's a wookie in the freight elevator."

Big Dawg chuckled. "Did he injure himself in there?"

"I hope so," I replied. "If that thing's not injured we're all in trouble."

P-Ziddy suggested I hang a sign near the elevator:

  "Wookie taming in progress."
  "Please keep all arms attached to your body."
  "For your safety, please maintain a distance of three blocks."

That got me thinking. What kind of crazy group would try to tame a wookie? Wookie Tamers United, of course. And from that, this silly little logo was born.



Naturally, every member of WTU would have an injury. It comes with the territory.

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Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee

From the email archive: (#16 is my favorite, but #10 is a close second)

==========

1) You answer the door before people knock

2) You ski uphill

3) You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse

4) You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work there.

5) You can type sixty words per minutes…with your feet.

6) You can jump-start your car without cables

7) You buy half and half by the barrel

8) You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee

9) You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.

10) Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.

11) You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers

12) Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

13) You think instant coffee takes too long.

14) You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.

15) Your birthday is a national holiday in Brasil.

16) You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

17) You can thread a sewing machine while it’s running.

18) You help your dog chase its tail.

==========

Bonus!

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Naptime

It was a long day. I had been at work for what felt like 87 hours solid. I looked at the clock. It was only 1:30.

I message'd P-Ziddy. I asked him how his little 'Zid-spawn behaves when it's naptime and she doesn't want to lie down.

"Well," he replied. "She usually runs around and shouts 'no!' anytime I mention it. Why?"

"Because I desperately need a nap," I replied. "I'm thinking of employing her methods. Maybe somebody here will put *me* down for a nap."

P-Ziddy laughed, but then he cautioned me. "Wait until LadyPatsFan is out of the office... I'd hate for her to see you do something entertaining."

*chuckle*

Poor LadyPatsFan. She missed out on the Code Monkey birthday bag and the glorious over-sized fake moustache. P-Ziddy's never gonna let her live it down. :)

I went over to tell LadyPatsFan the story. I started out with, "Remember my buddy P-Ziddy?"

She said, "Is that the sunnuvagun who always makes fun of me?"

The conversation went downhill from there. :)

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