Nutty

Out of nowhere, The Golfer showed up with two cookies.

Most of my co-workers had gone home, but OoRah and Big Dawg were still there with me. Big Dawg quickly turned down a cookie, which left one each for OoRah and myself.

The cookies were pretty big. "One has some kind of cinnamon apple sprinkles on top," explained The Golfer, "And the other is nuts."

"Gee," I said, looking at OoRah. "Which one of us is nuts?"

From behind came the voice of Big Dawg. "That's a tough call."

"I bet I'm more nuts than you," challenged OoRah.

"You could be right, except you're not!"

By end of the challenge / response time, the floor was covered in cookie crumbs, peanut fragments, and failed bravado (mostly mine). OoRah took the cinnamon apple cookie. I got the napkins.

Mmmmm... fiber.

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True Story

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Happy Place

It was a long and winding conversation that eventually led to ... airplanes.

Air travel is inherently safe

"Airplanes tend to fly low near my house," Maarek explained. "I don't worry about the big commercial airliners though, because if they crash they'll take out the whole neighborhood and I'll never hear it coming. No problem."

OoRah blinked. "Actually, the survival rate for airplane crashes is about 80%."

"Yes, but I'll be on the ground."

Maarek's nonchalant pessimism made OoRah pause for a moment. "No," he countered, "That number includes people on the ground."

"You don't understand... I'll be *under* the plane."

They started talking at the same time. I stepped in and motioned to OoRah. "Don't bother him with facts, this is his 'Happy Place'. It makes him happy."

I'm coming to get you! Ha!

While OoRah laughed, I turned to Maarek. "Don't worry. I'm sure you'll be killed on impact."

Maarek perked up happily. "Thanks!"

I don't understand why that's a comforting statement.

Jeff McClung... Peacemaker.

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Bubble Wrap

So life-like... easily mistakable for the real thing...

Have you seen these little devices? It's a Bubble Wrap Keychain... those little buttons make a "pop" that's supposed to sound just like bubble wrap.

OoRah's got one of those things. The battery and/or the speaker on it is in pretty bad shape, so it sounds more like a whispered "thip" than a "pop". Somehow this just makes the toy even funnier.

OoRah leaned over my cubical wall a few days ago with the keychain in hand. He grinned down at me while pushing near-silent buttons. "I'm popping bubbles!", he gleefully announced.

With tremendous enthusiasm, I pointed at him and shouted "You *GO*, girl!"

I have no idea why he lets me live.

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Stories From The Carpenter

A month ago, a guy crashed his car into our house. Last week, a carpenter came out to start the meaningful repair work. He told a couple of amusing stories.

The bar needs work? I'M ON IT!

His first story was about remodeling a bar. He said;



"I was hired to help remodel a bar, but I wasn't allowed to work when the bar was open. So I'd have to work all night.



"I told all my friends that they wouldn't be able to reach me, that I was hanging out at the bar all night. I didn't tell any of them *why*."



Hm... He's got just a bit of a comedian's mean streak. I like him. :)



His second story was about a rich lady's house. He said;



"20 years or so back, I was working on this rich old lady's house. She wandered around most of the time while I worked, talking to me.

I can do it... I can do ANYTHING

"Then she asked, 'Can you come inside? I've got a cabinet door that sticks.' I'm not supposed to do that, but she kept asking, and they were paying me a lot of money, so I said yes.



"She thanked me and said, 'My husband can't fix it... he's useless.' I got in there and it was an easy fix. She just kept saying, 'My husband just can't do anything with his hands... my husband's useless...' and so on. I finally asked her, 'What does your husband do?'



"'Oh, he's a surgeon.'"

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Random Office Stories

Dulls-ville

About a month ago, Web Ninja was chatting at me. I don't remember what the conversation was about, but he was getting pretty animated and I was (more or less) listening.

I was also trying to chew a piece of gum. I guess I'm not quite talented enough to juggle such diverse tasks. I bit my tongue.

over-dramatization

"Wow," said Web Ninja. "I didn't realize it was that exciting of a story."

I told him, "Yeah, I'll be OK. Just be dull for a few minutes."

I was kidding, but God bless him Web Ninja actually tried to "dull" down his story. He stood perfectly still, lowered his voice and spoke slowly. I told him not to take me seriously, but I don't think he believed me.

Eventually the story ended in a whisper and he carefully tip-toe'd away. I literally couldn't hear the last few words he spoke.

Confused

One day last week, I came into work about an hour early. OoRah was mystified. "Why are you here so early?"

Springs and back-falls... who wouldn't be confused?

"I got confused about the whole 'Daylight Savings Time' thing," I replied.

OoRah tilted his head sideways like a dog who just heard an odd noise. "But... today isn't Daylight Savings Time."

I faked an annoyed look. "What part of 'confused' do you not understand?"

He never asked again.

I don't understand why anybody around ever takes me seriously.

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Fashionably Late Photoshop Jeff Pic

This came from V. I'll let her explain:

"I didn't use the current photo, but I did attempt the handlebar moustache theme. :) Did you know you get a whole different set of images on a google search when you hunt for "Moustache Handlebar" than you do the other way around? Handlebars led to bicycles which led to bees and well, you can see where it all ended up."



If you don't know the bee story, you really do need to click here and read it. Seriously. If mocking me has ever brought you any joy, you will thank me.

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